"This telescope was built to accommodate several different modes of operation,” the observatory’s director explained. "For instance, right now, it's set to hermetic mode. That means that whenever you focus its lens on a particular star, the image of that star exists just as far backwards within your mind as the star itself is from your eyes."

“But what if I switch it to-" and as he pulled the lever towards himself, a hollow chamber within the telescope opened. Several brass shells sprung forth from the gap, then clattered to the ground.

"That one’s called bolt-action mode,” the director sighed. “For when you want to make sure that you'll never date another Scorpio again."

The author has nothing against Scorpios. As a whole, he feels that scorpions are misunderstood.

Get rid of one constellation, and another takes its place.

Try not to use bolt-action mode- you just might ruin a cactus's big day.