The cover of the book is printed in thick, loud lettering: “The Secret Taxonomy of Lightning and its Anatomical Details, by Thomas Edison.” This misattribution is surprising, as despite it being the only copy of the book to ever exist, the Wizard of Menlo Park still managed to plagiarize its contents. Despite this, you know the truth about its author, as well as the ramifications of its existence.

The first segment of the book details the innards of a traditional lightning bolt. It shows how electrons flow through the hexagonal valves that line its glowing length, as well as the magnetic pumps that load the thunder bladder near its tail. Each branch that sprouts from its body serves some essential function, an impromptu vital organ generated to help it survive for just a few split-seconds longer.

The second segment deviates from the microscopic scale, and focuses instead on the different species of electricity that once existed. Somewhere around thirty are described in detail within, while a handful more are speculated to have evolved, but considered hypothetical by the author. Each one seems more fantastic than the last, from the green lightning that grows on architecture like phosphorescent ivy to the predatory thunderbolts that roll across prairies as though carnivorous tumbleweeds.

The final segment is the most somber: a speculation on why all but one variety of electricity went extinct on the night of the Tunguska event.